gay.gay.gay.gay.gay.gay.

karma's a bitch. & i hope it gets you good.

i'd say i'm handling & have been handling things quite well. & i'm proud. =]

college?! SATs?!  heeelp me.
aj, we got this. hopefully.

errrh.. homecoming?

i missssss the philippines.
which reminds me, i NEED to call the PI.

holy shit, AISSA YOU CAN'T SPEND ANYMORE FREAKIN` MONEY,
cuz you have NONE.

no one uses xanga anymore. pshfags
BYE.

ihoyiitzgili: why do we deal with such....
ihoyiitzgili: waste?
Ox shortypnai xO: forrrealllly
Ox shortypnai xO: we're good people.

amen. i miss my kuya =( loveyouuuu

i should sleeeeeep. like forreal forreaaaal. i misssss summer. =T already haha

THE LAST SUMMER `06 ADVENTURE. -- it's goin doown.
` meet me on canaaal. it's goin dooown. in chinaaatowwn.
` "she's cute." "they're all cute."
` chinatown & hopkee. word.
` lemon chicken & riiiiiice
` what happen!?!
` YO BABY YO BABY YO!
` getting lost in queens. at 3am
` dunkin` donuts at 4am.
` the old men IN dunkin donuts.
` pretending to look at coffee while listening to ppls convos.
` the lies. being homeless.
` crashin' @ daves.
` HOT BAGELS. & real breakfast?
` monster assault
` blackout @ ajs. & literally staring at each other for 6 hours.
` milk. enough said.
` september in shoprite.
` sghkh say bye! k. ..wait! what's his name?!
` visiting random people unexpectedly. thats how we roll.
` feeding chris's turtle.
` we chill in parking lots.
` we're gonna eat steve's dog.
` STUNT WOMEN!
` XMAN 3
` sex talks @ 5am. "we just talked about sex for an hour. ha gnite."
` we play games at red lights. lmao. i.e. - switching cars. playing in sprinklers. dancing in sunroofs. etc.
` talking about switching cars @ red lights, thinking its all a joke. theen.. "AISSA GET OUTTA THE CAR! GOOO!" run to steve's car. "SHEL GET OUT!" "WHAAAA THEEE FUUUUCK!?!"
perfect summer ending. -=)

college? HA. i'm stressing. like whoaaaa.
school sucks. but eh i've got good classes.
no complaints this time. i'm happpppy. word

peace niggggas. =]

i really miss the phils. -=( like a lot a lot. i would much rather be there. no worries.

i was happier there. & so were my parents. hah my dad was so happy he was hookin` me up with people. what theee. being there made me love my whole family twice as much.

i love how even though people there live such hard lives, they can still smile about everything and still be happy at the end of the day. i want that. i'm much more grateful now. i feel real selfish complaining and feeling bad for myself cuz i think i have so many problems. school, boys, and friends are not problems compared to what people there need to worry about.

-- TARALETS!
-- me: "what if an ipis comes in my mouth?!" mom: "you swallow it." gilbert: "DO YOU KNOW whAT YOU JUST SAID!?!" HAHaAh
-- the Starbucks incident. LOL
-- sign reads Please use other door. "FUUUUUUCK!"
-- kuya: "HA guys we're in a different country. we can do whatever the fuck we want!" points at a woman walking " YOU'RE A BITCH" lmao wtf
-- PUUUUTAAANG INAA MOOO!
-- ice, there's stairs here k? okieeee
-- me falling down the stairs. twice.
-- "can you just drink this pleeease?" "whyy?!" "cuz i want you to get REALLY fucked up & your dad to wonder wtf happened." "you're an asshole. i'd say I DOOOONT KNOOOOW !" " you're done."
-- "you know all that gum i got from the bathroom? shit's not freeeee!" HAHha
-- alcohol & early ass flights, dont mix.
-- "we still didnt get our iced teas" "oh my goddd"
-- he salivates. like a lot.
-- dogs in the philippines, yah, they're not so cute.
-- there's blood on the ground. ew why. i don't fuckin know. i think we should leave.
-- you know, so then, she spits on me! and i was like bitcccch what the.. hahah
-- yo, i think that bitch played us.
-- traffic signs & regulations don't mean shit to filipinos
-- instead of STOP signs. they have speed bumps to slow cars down hahaha.
-- YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS means jack shit in the PI
-- they're FOREVER honking. & not cuz they're angry. it means GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY OR IM GONNA RUN U THE FUCK OVER!
-- filipino CONDOMS? premiere? or frenzy? hahaha.
-- i LOOOVE the condom commercials in the PI. too funny. Premiere condoms - "Feel the thrill" Frenzy condoms - "Choosing is the best part" HAHA dont ask why i remember that. it was amusing.

WHAT I MISS..mucho
-- i'm missin' waking up early in the morning hearing little daniella screamin "ATEEE AISSAAA! gising na! mag lalaro tayo ng make up make up!" [wake up! we're gonna play makeup!]
-- riding those dang tricycles to and from pampangin to likod simbahan to aguho. hah i love it.
-- SHOEMART! my freaking bestfriend. we need one of those here.
-- Green Hills, Glorietta, MegaMall, Market Market, Shangri-La, Tiendesitas & all the other gajillion malls all next to each other.
-- being able to watch a movie for freaking THREEE DOLLARS. in a theatre THREE times bigger than ours.
-- jollibee. shakeys. chowking. superbowl of china. goldilocks. etc.
-- having a driver to take us pretty much anywhere.
-- public transportation w/ a wave of your hand anywhere @ anytime.
-- the friendliness of people there
-- INDEX HAIR & BODY SALON! haha
-- not having to do my own laundry hah
-- manicures & pedicures for 100 pesos. which would equal $2
-- the FRUIT. all of it. 10x better than ours
-- KATOKZ. hahaa
-- our crazy games of Taboo
-- the night life of Manila, Baywalk. Eastwood. The Fort. GreenBelt. goodshit.
-- being forced to speak tagalog. it was a good challenge haha. put my skills to work
-- i miss my family the most. especially the two most adorable neice & nephew i could ask for. i'd LOVE it if we could all be in the states together. =)

WHAT I DON'T MISS
-- the bugs. i.e. ginormous cockroaches
-- having to sleep with the lights on to keep the cockroaches away.
-- having to shower with cold water everyday. & the lack of water pressure
-- the constant stares everywhere you go.
-- the pollution. you thought nyc air was dirty, dude go to the pinas
-- the never ending traffic. driving in the PI is hell.
-- the philippines smells. real bad
-- the heat, but now its freaking cold in jersey.

but i love it all.

edit. august 31st. fcukin` 8:11 in the morning.

whyyyyyy am i awake?! i wanna sleep, but i can't. somethings wrong with me. school in 4 days & my jetlag isnt getting any better.

don't you ever think that i don't love you
or for one minute i forgot you
but sometimes things don't work out right
& you just have to say goodbye..
nina. i loooove her.
i've listened to her cds so much, i'm surprised they're not broken yet hahah

i feel so stupid. foolish maybe? i feel like i amount to nothing. i feel like i'm not good enough. for anything or anyone. i feel like i'm wasting or wasted my time and energy. the parentals suck. theyre constant reminders to everything i worry about. i.e. my mom & her stupid comments she feels she needs to share with the entire population of pateros metro manila. school hasnt even started & i'm already stressing out about it. everything always turns out the way i dont want it to. i swear i jinx myself. everything i didnt want, i got.

my ninang came over last night. everything she's going thru, scares me. everytime i hear about it, i wanna cry. cuz i know she doesnt deserve it, but through it all she still finds a way to look on the brighter side of things and have the will to start fresh for the sake of her kids. bad things happen to good people. its true.

skljglskjglkshj it hurts. so much more than you'll ever understand. but i just keep smiling, get my game face on & keep going.

ew this is exactly what i didnt wanna do. k thats it. ONE LAST ADVENTURE BEFORE SCHOOOOL! fridayfridayfriday. =D k im gonna take a jillion tylenols & try to sleep again. bye kids.

forgot to un private it. since last night?! hah im so out of it. kbah

3PM here. in the PINAS that is. =)

i miss home. kinda. at least some aspects of it. nothings the way i left it. amazing what changes in a few days. let alone what 3 weeks can do.

buuuut, i dont wanna leave the philippines, shiiiiiiiiiiiet.

people are nicer here. & happier. i'm happy here =) haaah. no drama. no worries.

oh well.. it was good while it lasted. im gonna be on that plane at 6:50am whether i like it or not.

psssst i miss home.
you do? cuz i don't.
HAHAh. gays

yes, i cut my hair. THREE times. HAHAHH kbye

MARIAH CAREY - BREAKDOWN

Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

So what do you do
When somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way?"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away